A run-down of the new job. (Mine, that is.)

 

There's been a lot going on in our little ho-hum lives lately, all of which I may or may not get around to posting about. The thing, however, that I do feel like writing about first after my (looong) break from blogging is the biggest change of all – for me, anyways. That would be the plunge I've taken into the world of being a stay-at-home mom.

I have a lot of emotions about the past few weeks, and I’m going to try my best to put them into words. First of all, it’s tough. Tougher than I expected. I’ve been home all day with Sadie numerous times in the past 2 years and 4 months, but it was different then. Kevin was around more and there was always that looming dread of having to go back to work. Now, Kevin works every day, at least 10 hours a day, and it’s just me. And Sadie. And the persistently terrible, cold weather. And the quiet new apartment. That doesn’t have TV hooked up. Or internet (until today! hallelujah!). Or the sound of another voice besides my chattering 2-year old.

This is the part where I’m going to be frankly honest and admit that part of me has had a really hard time with it. Going into this whole situation, I was nothing but ecstatic that I finally got to spend time with my kiddo after almost 2 ½ years. I refused to even consider all the negative things people say about staying home all day, every day. And then, by the end of the first week of Kevin’s new schedule, I had been slammed with the reality: it’s not all happy, tender moments. I don’t sit around all day doing little creative crafts with my sweet and perfectly happy 2-year old. I don’t take advantage of every quiet moment and turn it into a wise teaching opportunity. My house most certainly doesn’t stay spotless. And, honestly, it can be very lonely. I almost hugged the women at play group last week because I was so glad to have someone to sit and talk to in the middle of the day.

BUT...I still love it. It’s hard to explain how I can be so overwhelmed with the negative things and still feel so at peace that I’m finally where I’m supposed to be. I hate that I don’t have any adult interaction, but I love talking to Sadie all day and being able to fully appreciate how funny she is. I feel guilty that Kevin now has to provide for our family all by himself, but I love that I don’t have to go back to my job (which I never really loved in the first place). And I hate that the house never stays picked up, but I love that I'm actually around to clean it up again and again if I so choose.

So, in a nutshell? It's amazing... and it sucks. All at once. Try to make sense out of that. I still am.

Of course, I’m sure I’ll get all nice and comfortable in my role here just in time to be thrown into the world of stay-at-home mom of two.

And there will go my newfound confidence, out the window.