I have the greatest kid ever. You might be thinking, huh? Is this the same kid that throws monster tantrums and who’s most prominent vocabulary word is “nope?”
Yes. Yes, it is. You see, being a mother to a toddler has really opened my eyes to the world of unconditional love. Sometimes I’m amazed at myself. Sadie can be throwing herself to the ground in an Oscar-worthy dramatic fit, and guess what? I still love her. I may find myself barely controlling the urge to scream right back at her, but yep. It’s still there, that feeling of love. Amazing.
There’s a big reason for that. Despite what I’ve sometimes said on this blog, Sadie can actually be one of the sweetest, most heartwarmingly cute kids ever. There are times when I just sit and watch her play, off in her little world, jabbering and talking and singing to herself, and I worry my heart is going to eventually lose its capacity to handle all this love I have for her. Lately, Kevin and I have been trying to coach her into saying “I love you.” But then I got to thinking. Do I really need to hear those words? I don’t really have any doubt she loves me. All I need to do to be reminded is walk in the front door and see her grinning, happy face running towards me yelling “mom!” and any shreds of doubt vanish. That lit-up face is equal to a thousand “I love yous.” Or I just need to sit on the floor and watch as she grabs a book, turns around, and faithfully backs into my waiting lap, without a single doubt that my lap will be there waiting for her.
Being a mom is so much harder than I thought it would be. I’m constantly wondering if I’m doing it right, if I’m going to mess my kid up for life somehow. Lately, I’ve been feeling like my whole day revolves around the tantrums and the refusal to eat anything healthy and the gap between what she’s trying so hard to tell me and what I can actually understand. (I’m starting to wonder if that gap is ever going to get smaller, despite her always-expanding vocabulary.) Today I needed to remind myself that there are as many ups as there are downs. They’re just quieter, not as easy to notice.
Sadie, there’s a good chance someday you’ll read this blog. And I just want you to know that even though you are currently a wild, dramatic 21-month old who occasionally makes me want to tear my hair out, I love you. I love you more than I ever thought would be possible. I love that you make me crazy. I love that you’re silly and energetic. I love that you can make me so frustrated and then immediately wrap your arms around me until I smile again. I love that you can look and your daddy or me with those big blue eyes and get just about anything you want. I love that you’re becoming one of my best friends in the whole world.
Thank you for giving me plenty of good moments.
Awww....I love "sappy and mushy". This post is so cute. You are such a good little mom - Sadie is so lucky to have you (and Kevin!). I love you guys!
ReplyDeleteThere...sappy and mushy right back at ya!
I couldn't have said it better myself. You even made me teary. Just think how we're going to feel about our adorable grandkids. (You know, the ones our beautiful children are going to have together?) I am dying to see Sadie at Christmas. Oh yeah, and you guys too. :)
ReplyDeleteNat...I think you're doing a great job as a mom. I'm pretty sure that every mom thinks they're going to screw their kids up, but that's just not the case! :) Sadie is adorable and even if she throws her tantrums, you still love her and that's truly what makes a great mom. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! You are such a good momma Nat! I love the pictures of that cutie Sadie as well! Uh, now you made me want MY little girl to be here even more! 6 1/2 weeks!!!
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