4 1/2 Years of Sadie Shay

(I have dozens more just like this cute picture, but they're all going to have to wait for another blog post!)

The other night, I went into Sadie’s room after she had gone to bed to put some clothes away in her drawers. As I opened her door, I heard a soft rustling sound, but when I looked over at Sadie in her bed, she was asleep. Or so it appeared. As I tip-toed over to her, her “sleep face” dissolved into a scrunched smile and, finally, soft giggles. “Faker,” I whispered. That, of course, cracked her resolve and she started to laugh. Which made me laugh. Before I knew it, we were both in the midst of a full-blown giggling fit. When the laughter subsided, Sadie reached her arms out and said, “I love you, mom.”

It was one of those moments that last for just a few fleeting seconds, but that I pray I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

I love that girl. Really, really love her. She hit the 4 1/2-years old mark a couple of days ago, and my relationship with her has grown and changed a lot in those 4 1/2 years. She has taught me a lot of tough lessons so far. Lessons about myself, especially. I’m slowly learning to accept the far-from-perfect mother that I am. I’m learning to accept that I’ll never be awesome at this parenting thing. That it doesn’t necessarily come naturally to me. And that’s okay. I’m lucky to be mothering two amazingly wonderful girls who are quick to forgive and are unconditionally loving no matter how sadly under-par my parenting skills are.

Sadie, especially, has been key in helping me get to this point. The last year with her has been kind of difficult. It seems like for a long time there, we were constantly butting heads. Mostly she was just being a normal 3 and 4-year old. Talking my ear off, asking a trillion questions, whining and complaining, pushing the limits, having complete emotional break downs when I pushed back…the usual stuff. But it was exhausting me. Pushing me to my limits. And I’ve mentioned before that I struggle with being a patient mom. A kind and soft-spoken mom. I’ve got a bit of a temper and I don’t know what it was (and sometimes what it still is…I’m not completely over it), but that stuff makes my temper flare.

Luckily, Sadie and I have been on much better terms lately. She still has her cranky moments. I most definitely still have mine. But we’re learning to soldier through them. I’m slowly teaching myself to accept her how she is. She’s emotional. She has a flair for the dramatics. But she’s also incredibly upbeat and positive in the face of negative situations. She can be sensitive and thoughtful. She’s a generous and enthusiastic friend. Her imagination is at work 24/7 and she won’t hesitate to tell you about what crazy scenario is going through her head at the moment. And she’s hilarious. We’re finally having more good moments like the one we had the other night where we can laugh at each other and with each other. More and more, I’ve noticed that she cheerfully helps me out (unless it comes to cleaning her room, which she hates) and, best of all, she plays willingly with her sister.

She's a good kid. I've never, ever doubted that, it's just taken us time to get on the same wavelength. It's taken me time to let go of some of the pressure I was putting on myself to be the perfect mom. And I still have a ton to learn. I have a feeling this girl is going to be challenging me and everything I thought I knew about parenting for a long, long time.

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am just a tiny bit terrified of the future teenage version of Sadie. If she's a drama case now, I think we're in for quite the fun time once she hits about 13. Pray for us. :)