Yes. You read that right.
Apparently it goes something like this: get married - blissful happiness. Have children - happiness decreases, then decreases some more, then decreases even more (especially during the "diaper years" and the adolescent years). Then children leave home, and happiness once again increases. End of story.
Now, I don't know about you, but reading these so-called "results" made me really frustrated. Because I'm here to argue that nothing brings us greater joy than our kids. And the thing about joy is, to me, it's deeper than just "happiness." Happiness in my eyes is sunshine warming my face or maybe a bag of Cadbury Eggs. But joy is having Sadie wrap her arms around my neck and tell me she loves me. It's seeing Ellie's eyes light up and a giant grin spread across her face when I walk into the room. It's loving those two little girl with every fiber of my being.
Yes, being a parent is hard. There are days where I feel like it's all about the disappointment and the frustration. Maybe that's the "unhappiness" that these researchers were measuring. The day-to-day grueling nature of being a parent isn't always rainbows and fairy tales. But I think that experiencing those scary, unhappy, let-down moments make the good ones all the more sweet. I mean, isn't that part of the human experience: experiencing the sorrow so we can better appreciate the good?
So let it be known... being a mother makes me happy. There may be dirty diapers, tantrums, inconsolable crying, and just plain-old drudgery involved, but I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. To heck with the results of some study. :)
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| Yeah, how could you NOT be happy with these two crazy girls? |
There's also an article and discussion on Segullah about this today, which is how I found it. It's pretty good, so check it out if you have time.
Before I say anything else, I LOVE that picture of Ellie. Oh my goodness. I'm laughing so hard right now. Really, it cracks me up!
ReplyDeleteAnd seriously? Children decrease happiness? For who? And I agree- joy is so much greater than happiness.
And lastly, if you can make it down to Layton, I think you should come to the workshop. You're a better photographer than I am, but I'm super excited for it. :)
So I'm reading your post and getting all teary eyed at how sweet it is....then I scroll down and see Ellie face and I cracked up! Now that is happiness!!! I.love.those.girls.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post N! I love it. This is a great happy, and a great picture. Your girls are so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Ellie is just begging to be picked up and kissed to pieces. Such cute girls!
ReplyDeleteYup, I read the same article. And sadly, I believe it. For me, I am savoring as much as I can. I know life after kids will be fun, but oh my how I will miss my babies!
ReplyDeleteI've read similar articles, and the statistics have been swirling around for quite some time. Here are my thoughts (for what they're worth):
ReplyDelete1- they are using a different definition of happiness.
2- the study (if I remember the original correctly) asked a set of pretty vague questions about life in general and seemed to almost twist the data around to exclude all other factors (i.e.- parents just starting out or preparing for children to enter college have financial difficulties) that would affect overall happiness.
Plus, like you said, joy is different from happiness, and so many people don't recognize the joy in their lives while they're wallowing in the muck.
Good for you writing this and good for you knowing the difference!